


Facing Fears

by GrumpSupport



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Genital Mention, Lemon, M/M, Smut, Trans Hanzo Shimada, Trans Male Character, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:18:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8840764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrumpSupport/pseuds/GrumpSupport
Summary: A one-shot quickwrite of the climactic realization of Jesse and Hanzo's nearly year long relationship, and a deep confession that Hanzo has feared since they began their relationship. Why has Hanzo always shot Jesse down on the topic of sex? Read it and weep... Out of joy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I’m writing this because I am interested in the prospect of a Trans!Hanzo, and having the sort of internal dialogue and conflict of having to take the role as the heir to the Shimada empire, as well as struggle with his dysphoria. I like the prospect of this because some of the dialogue I imagine would be similar to my own. I put my own insecurities into a story, and resolved it as I wish it would be resolved. Please enjoy.
> 
> WARNING: Genital mention, AFAB sex, and possibly triggering materials ahead. Scenes are mildly explicit. You have been warned!
> 
> *I may have gone a little overboard with the smut in this, if you feel this is not an accurate representation of romance, please let me know and justify why and I will review it because this is not supposed to be just baseless porn.

Hanzo felt the soft touch of Jesse’s lips against his own- their breath colliding in a hot cloud just in front of their rosey cheeks. Hanzo loved the way Jesse’s hair hung over his face-like a lion’s mane- and Jesse loved feeling the godly curvature of the archers face- sculpted and serene. It had been a successful mission. One that called for a celebration. Around Christmas time, the holiday spirit was kept up by everyone around the watchpoint and the crime rate saw itself drop like a 1-ton weight on a scale. Even criminals had their time of rest.

Snow fell softly, barely sticking to the metallic floors of the headquarters- a rare occurance for the sub-tropic climate of Gibraltar (A particularly harsh cold front had blown in from the continental sea coast). Some agents went home for the holidays, however some (The ones with nowhere else to go) stayed. Winston had made a point to go all out in decorating the watchpoint, accommodating several cultural celebrations of Christmas (or whatever it was in varying countries) and the New Year. He gathered the biggest Yule log he and Reinhardt could find from Germany, decorating it with traditional wood carved candle-carousel ornaments, American ornaments (The glass ones), lights, and many other things. Presents were under the tree awaiting to be unwrapped- taunting everyone that walked by with the elaborate and shiny patterned wrappings in which they were dressed. There was a scent of Gingerbread, eggnog, and pine about the dwelling, and something about it made everyone cheerier than usual.

To the two of them, this time of the year, was a drug. Getting to be with each other for an extended period of time with nothing to do but be in each others company. For them it was addictive- a drug harder to drop than heroine, and one they were not looking to get rid of. They had been together for nearly a year, and never once had they experienced the most intimate act with each other. Hanzo often refused citing that the mood of the situation was not right, or that he had other things to attend to. Even so, they only ever had a minor amount of down time to spend on their own. Normally their time was taken up by missions, and briefings and planning and UN meetings and a plethora of other official businesses and conventions that it seemed as if fighting was merely an occupational hazard to the constant socialization they had to face. Still, whenever they could they found each other and indulged themselves with warm cuddles and kisses that left them high for hours.

Now, under the soft atmosphere of hanging lights, candles burning and the softest of blankets and an even more intimate feeling between the two, they found themselves on cloud nine. Jesse bit playfully as Hanzo let out soft giggles. Entwined, their arms wrapped around one another, pushing and pulling their weight. Jesse tugged at the golden strip of cloth that held his partners’ fine, coal hair, letting it loosely fall to the sides of his sculpted face. Jesse liked to feel his hair as he bit the arch of his neck that was pleasantly stretched out in invitation. Hanzo made small, seductive noises as Jesse played. Their heavy breaths pacing with their fluttering heart rates. Hanzo and Jesse danced their weight around, grinding their hips. Jesse felt himself become full, his noises becoming more like grunts. He sat back pulling Hanzo’s legs around his waist gently. Hanzo was still dazed in his jitters that he had only just noticed Jesse pulling his loose sweats from their place to reveal a slight bit of a happy trail down Hanzos pale midriff. Hanzo suddenly sat up, his mood turned. “Jesse… What are you doing?” He asked breathlessly. Jesse was surprised by his confusion.

“Well… I just thought since… We don’t have to be anywhere and the mood might be right…” He chose his words carefully, not wanting to displease the astonished and temperamental dragon. “I mean… It’ll be a year on New Years, Han…” He scratched the back of his head and looked down.

“No…” Hanzo said quietly, avoiding eye contact with Jesse. He had pulled the sheets over his chest now, without realizing. Jesse saw his hesitation and near self-consciousness and questioned it. It was unlike Hanzo to lack confidence. To Jesse, he seemed as if he was a fragile child, concealing a secret.

“Han… Are you okay?” He tempted, slowly and calmly. Hanzo shook his head, still ceasing his eyes from Jesse’s. Now he knew something was wrong.

“Hanzo… C’mon darlin’, I know you better than that.” He repositioned his kneel into a relaxed pose. “Are you hiding something from me? You know you can trust me… Right?” He asked softly.

Hanzo quickly flitted his eyes to Jesses, and then away again. Jesse had gotten him. “I… I feel guilty, Jesse…” He began slowly and quietly.

Jesse’s interest was now piqued. “Guilty?” He laughed heartily, “For what darlin’?” He looked at Hanzo, expecting an open answer, but instead, his partner sat against the metal wall, his knees were covering his abdomen, he clung to them.

“I wish I could have you, Jesse…” Hanzo started, his head was rested on his knees, and his arms framed his cheeks. “But… I just… Cannot.”

Jesse reached for Hanzos hair, and began running his fingers through it. Something was definitely largely wrong with his lover, and he wanted to know what.

“Hanzo… I didn’t know this would upset you so much… Did I do something wrong?” He asked. Hanzo shook his head. “No… You did not do anything wrong…”

“Then what’s up with you?” He asked, growing closer to the man, trying to comfort him warmly. Hanzo lifted his head, and Jesse was taken aback to see tears welling in his smoky wood eyes.

“Darlin’!” He felt pain for his lover. “Oh Hanzo, what’s the matter. Please tell me, won’t you? I’m here and I ain’t going no where… Ya’ got nothin’ t’be afraid of.” Jesse hugged Hanzos side, bumping his head gently up against the dragon’s. There was a long pause of silence, and Hanzo had wiped the tears away, feeling almost ashamed that he had felt this way.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of agony, Hanzo very slowly began to open up. “Jesse… I feel like I lied to you this whole time… I feel so guilty because of what I have not told you about me…” His voice cracked. Jesse couldn’t possibly think of anything his partner hadn’t said- he confided in Jesse about the killing of his brother, and all the horrible things he had done in the past… So what could it possibly be about?

“I did not tell you this… In fear of losing you…” He proceeded cautiously, like a shy animal out of a cage.

Jesse comforted his partner, “It’s okay Han, I’m not going nowhere. I ain’t leaving you darlin’”

Hanzos mind stirred and stirred, the agony and the hopelessness broke his skull and shouted at his heart of how guilty he was for deceiving his loved one. He tried his hardest to gather these last few words and finally, when his heart shook violently, and his mind broke, he digressed. “I… I'm transgender...”

The room took a heavy blow of silence, as if an airlock had been opened in space. Hanzo felt dizzy, and scared, and he could not bare to look at Jesse, who he was sure was absolutely livid.

Suddenly, a hearty laughter took over the room, and Hanzo- dumbfounded- looked to the cowboy. “Oh Hanzo, I was so worried. Thought you were dyin’ or somethin’. Whewy, ya’ shouldn’t scare me like that.” Some redundant laughter let itself out and Jesse was left with a still amazed and confused Hanzo gazing at him.

Hanzo felt a sudden jolt of anger, and punched McCree in the soft of his belly. “You fool! You made me so scared!” He fell apart now, his eyes pouring tears. “I could not count the amount of nights that I lay awake, replaying the worst of this situation in my head again and again until I would finally pass out! And yet now you laugh, and say it is ‘no big deal’?” Hanzo cried, “I was so terrified that I would lose you, Jesse… So terrified of myself and what I am…” He collapsed into the cradling arms of Jesse, and was rocked softly, and held tightly.

“Oh Han, you should know this… I would never leave you. Never. You’re my everythin’. My stars, and my sky. I would give you the moon if’a could. I would cross oceans if ya’ needed me to.” He cradled the weeping man until he could collect himself.

Jesse wouldn’t let Hanzo say anything before he kissed him. Hanzo pulled back, “You would never leave me?” He asked, desperate for reassurance.

Jesse nodded and laughed a little, “Never. Never in a million years would I leave you. I…” He hesitated for a mere second, “I love you, Hanzo.” He said in a sort of confession, and a realization of sorts. Hanzo stopped at this, and looked up to the gruff man. They both were blushing. Jesse laid a soft hand on the back of his neck, and Hanzo handed his bumpy cheek. Their foreheads met and they held their love in the air before them. Hanzo leaned back, as Jesse began to kiss him softly. Jesse was sitting up again after a couple of minutes.

“Do you want to…?” He trailed off, not exactly knowing what to do with the situation. He wanted Hanzo to be as comfortable as he can be. “I mean we don’t have to… I was just, y’know, wonderin’.” He shrugged. Hanzo shook his head in a hurry, “No no! I want to… I mean… I want…” He fumbled his words awkwardly, “I want you… But I just… I’ve never done anything before, and I’ve… I’ve been afraid of my body…” He sighed. “I want you, but I don’t know how to convince my mind into knowing you’re okay…”

“That’s okay darlin’. We don’t have to.” Jesse said sweetly. When he was about to lift himself from the bed, Hanzo grabbed him by the collar and pulled his lips in for a sweet tasting kiss that made Jesse drunk again.

“I want you, Jesse…” He said slowly, “I-inside me…” He blushed profusely. “I just want to know that when I wake up, you’ll be here, and I’ll still be… what I am to you.” He asked hesitantly.

Jesse giggled again, “Aw, of course I’ll be here darlin’. I ain’t going anywhere. And when we do wake up in bed together, you’ll still be my Hanzo. You’ll still be a man.” He laid Hanzo back down again and kissed him once more. “You might got some different pipes down there, but that don’t make you any less of a man, or any less of the Hanzo I know.” He reassured, “I’m here for you Han, and you can trust me with anything, because I love you.” He kissed him again.

Hanzo felt nervous still, but a 100-pound weight had been lifted. The reason he couldn’t sleep for the past year, the reason of his isolation and his nightmares, was gone.

Jesse realized how very afraid of his body Hanzo was, and wanted nothing more than to make him comfortable. He slowly kissed down his belly, and lowered his sweats. Lowering them enough that a female organ was revealed. A small tuft of hair resided just above it’s lips. He was wet.

Hanzo seemed to almost wince. Jesse didn’t exactly know how to handle his partners hesitation, and instead, asked him. “D-do ya’ want me to… Touch it?”

Hanzo didn’t know what to answer. “Yes… No… I do but… I don’t know what to do… I am so very tired of the fear and contempt I hold for my body… I am fearful in a way I cannot fully explain… I am tired of having my… Dysphoria… take the better of me. My body cannot do normal things because of my mind… I want that fear gone…” Jesse nodded, “You can tell me anything you want me to do and anything you don’t want me to do. I’m here to help you be comfortable, with me and with yourself. If you don’t want me to do somethin’, let me know, kay’?” Jesse offered. Hanzo nodded.

Jesse rubbed Hanzos thighs, telling him to breath deeply and calm down. Hanzo tried. Jesse kissed lower and lower, and kissed his thighs. He took his real hand, and began to finger at Hanzos clit. Hanzo immediately breathed hard, wincing his body. His mind was in conflict with his body. Jesse continued to rub his thigh, and whispered to Hanzo to relax.

Jesse rubbed Hanzos opening with two of his fingers, applying a little pressure, trying to ease Hanzo into the feeling. Hanzo grunted loud, and Jesse stopped suddenly. “Do you want me to stop?” He asked quickly. Hanzo took Jesses hand and guided it in a rubbing motion on his parts, “N-no Jesse… Just right here.” He talked through his breath. Jesse felt himself become full again. He looked at his partner, flustered, his back arched, his arm above his head. He thought it was cute, and it made him feel so erotic.

“Can I put some in?” he asked, rubbing faster. Hanzo nodded, “Yes... But give me your face…” He huffed. Jesse moved up to Hanzo’s face, and kissed him softly. He slid two fingers into Hanzo, who was gushing wet. He slid it gently back and forth, trying to find his partners sweet spot. As he got deeper with his fingers, Hanzo huffed out, his face a ruby red. “Humph… Jesse… Uhhk…” He huffed and puffed feeling more aroused. Hanzo’s sounds made Jesse rock hard, and his fingers thrusted faster, which in turn made Hanzo louder.

Hanzo stopped him for a moment to catch his breath, and realized his partner was also suffering. A large lump had appeared in the crotch of Jesse’s pants. “You need it as well…” He said.

Jesse nodded, but then shook his head after, “But if you don’t want me to do it…” Hanzo silenced him with a kiss, and guided Jesses hands back to his sweet spot. He whispered into the cowboy’s ear. “I want you inside me, Jesse… I all of you. I want to know how you feel.” He moaned, moving his hips up and down on Jesse’s fingers.

Jesse was fully erect now, and lifted himself. “Let me just get some rubber…” He said. Hanzo, not liking the break of touch, fell back onto the bed and inserted his own fingers, huffing. His knees met, and he whined for Jesse to hurry. Jesse turned around to see this after retrieving the condom, and his heart sank into his belly. He was so cute just then. So erotic, and so naughty.  
Jesse removed his pants and boxers to reveal his fully erect member. He put the rubber on his tip and worked it down the length of it, then stroked it a couple of times with lubricant. He repositioned himself over Hanzo eagerly. Their breaths were so heavy that the air felt thin. They were both high. Their tongues meeting in passionate kisses. Jesse pulled away and whispered in Hanzo’s ear, biting the lobe of it softly, “Can I put it in… Are you ready?” He asked lightly, to which Hanzo huffed back a breathy “Yes”.

Jesse lifted himself, placing Hanzo’s legs on the sides of his hips, spreading him out a little more. “Is this your… first time?” He asked before entering. Hanzo nodded. “Oh… Well… I’ll be gently then, but this might… Hurt… Are you sure?” Hanzo nodded again, “Yes Jesse, I want you. All of you. Just please, put it in already.” He said, wiggling his hips as a plea.

Jesse felt like he was going to faint. “Well, for a bottom you sure are demanding.” He yipped, rubbing his member on Hanzos clit, teasing him a little. Hanzo whined and remarked, “And for a top, you are far to concerning.” He snapped back. McCree laughed. “Really now? Well then, never took you to be such a sassy one.”

“Only am when I want cock.” He said, irritated. Jesse was somewhat surprised at his vulgarity. Jesse pushed forwards, placing the tip into Hanzo, and checking to make sure his partner was still okay, pushed himself in. Hanzo moaned out once Jesse was fully in. Hanzo didn’t feel much pain, but some of it was discomfort. Jesse wanted to make this as painless as he could, and was also taken over by the sight of Hanzo huffing in such a fluster that he began to thrust. Gently, he moved himself in and out of Hanzo, who groaned louder and louder. They moved together in a pace, and it began to pick up. Hanzo and Jesse kissed between breathes, clinging to one another. Sucking the love from each other. Consuming their breath and heat. Pleasure began to spiral into Hanzo, and his groans grew to a lighter pitch, and less intensity. Jesses pleasure was already spiraling, and he desired to thrust into Hanzo hard and fast, ravishing him, but he knew he needed to pace this for Hanzo. So he held out, and kept a steady pace until Hanzo would wish to go faster.

Meanwhile, Hanzo grew into ecstasy, realizing his safety, and his security was complete. He trusted McCree, and that turned him on. He let his natural urges and feelings out. He had been afraid for so long. That enjoying sex would invalidate his identity. That still having female genitals, no one would still think of him as a man. He still wished he could have a penis, but he didn’t focus on that right now, he only focused on the feelings that he had for McCree.

Hanzo’s moans grew louder and louder, as McCree fingered his nipple, nipping and biting playfully. He ran his rough hands down the soft arms of his lover. Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s hair in a fist and huffed, “Faster…” in a demanding tone. _Power bottom…_ Jesse thought to himself.

Jesse released himself and grinded harder, faster and deeper into Hanzo. He was up on his knees, spreading Hanzo open. Hanzo could barley contain himself, and grabbing the sheets in a bundle above his head, he bit down on his own lip.

Jesse found ecstasy of his own, groaning, “Oh fuck Han… You’re so t-tight.” Hanzo had felt his own tightening, and Jesse, who was hard and large inside him made him burst with erotic feelings. Hanzo was close. Jesse was close, but needed an extra something to help him and Hanzo along. He sat Hanzo up on the bed, and pinned his arms overtop his head and onto the cold metal wall. Jesse grinded his hips as much as he could, thrusting into Hanzo as best he could. Hanzo was so loud now, and grasping at Jesse almost like he was about to fall off a cliff. His toes curled, his back arched, and his restrained nature all added up to one, final reach of nirvana. Pleasure beyond compare rushed through Hanzo’s body, making him peak his high. It spiraled through his body, throbbing his genitals and his nipples. Jesse had let out one last tense thrust, and a groan before he too felt his own release. He immediately deflated back in a ball of breath and sweat and heat. “Oh… Fuck… Hanzo…” He said in a tired tone between weighted breaths. He flung the used condom into the bin next to the bed, and the world came crashing back around the two of them. The room was still warm, the lights were still lit. Hanzo and McCree bundled up under the warm blankets again, and McCree continued to nibble on Hanzos neck.

McCree caressed his waist. Hanzo felt taken in pleasure, but felt some slight soreness in his genitals. He still realized his female body, and still resented it. He rearranged to face Jesse. He kissed him, and thanked him for the comfort that he has provided. He nestled his head in between McCrees arms, up against his chest. “Thank you… Thank you McCree… I love you.” He sounded as if he was pleading.

McCree rubbed his lover’s silky, coal hair and held him tightly. “I love you too, Han.” He smiled, and kissed the mans forehead. “Merry Christmas, Hanzo.”


End file.
